Is someone getting the best of you? [entries|friends|calendar] Darrel [ website | My DeviantArt Account ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

(dance to a new song) the smiles are already harder to fake this year [04 Jan 2009|10:50pm] the place i lose my way in is a dim, hazy world.

(dance to a new song) [30 Oct 2008|10:14pm] i'm not too fond of this 'what should i be doing with my life' feeling. it's strangely depressing and uncomftorable. procrastination and indifference has just seeped so much into my life it's ridiculous. i haven't changed at all in the last five years, and that's horrible. goddamnitall.

(2 wish to | dance to a new song) hello again [27 Nov 2007|09:36am] i just wanted to take a brief moment of my time to state how much i FUCKING hate winter when there's no snow but the wind is gusting to like 40mph so that the windchill is in the negatives. i tend to smoke outdoors so it really pisses me off. i'd smoke in my car but i don't want to waste gas. but i guess i could smoke in the garage.. there isn't any heat in there but at least the wind would be blocked off. only got a month to deal with this anyways. then taxes on cigarettes are going up hardcore, and we'll see if i have the willpower to quit. i'm hoping so. oh, one last thing - now i don't think of myself as exactly very attractive material. so i was going for a run yesterday and pass these two girls(they look like they're in highschool wtf are they doing out at 2?) but they're hot. i see them ahead and i overhear one say "wow, he's hot" and as i pass them by i say sorry cuz i'm think like wtf no i'm not really but the same chick just goes "daaaamn". so uh. well. there might be hope for me yet?

(3 wish to | dance to a new song) [19 May 2007|05:57pm] ...................... STARCRAFT 2!

(dance to a new song) [18 May 2007|06:45pm] Linkin Park's new album, Minutes to Midnight, is pretty different than their old stuff. Hands Held High is my favorite track. Check it out if you can. Can't wait for the new Thrice album in a couple months(hopefully).

(dance to a new song) [21 Jan 2007|11:36pm] I need someone to fix me; I'm so broken.

(2 wish to | dance to a new song) [06 Jan 2007|10:13pm] Sometimes, believe it or not, I don't like watching football. The Dallas-Seattle game, for instance. Tony Romo didn't get a snap down on a fieldgoal to [probably] win the game for Dallas in the last minute or so. Seattle regains possession, and Romo's sitting on the sideline, head bowed to the ground [and maybe crying?]. I just hate seeing someone giving something all they've got - but it's still not good enough, and how it can badly affect them, you know?

(1 wish to | dance to a new song) Happy Holidays? Whatever floats your boat. [25 Dec 2006|11:50pm] [ mood | distressed ] [ music | Hinder - Lips of an Angel ] "I always have a premonition that I'm going to lose something. The world is so beautiful, but I feel like I'm the only one who's far from it." In a city of some fifty-thousand people, there isn't a single person that I want to talk to. My days are spent working, my evenings and nights reminiscing. I don't sleep to the point that I get so tired that I feel so much more awake. I can't forget the past to begin a foundation for my future, so I neglect the present as to that I don't know who or what I am anymore.

(dance to a new song) [18 Dec 2006|09:33pm] Anyone have an Xbox 360 and Live? Give me your gamertags so that we can all have fun humiliating me by murdering me in multiplayer Gears of War and Halo 2.

(4 wish to | dance to a new song) [30 Oct 2006|01:52pm] It seems I can't forgive myself after all this time. I don't deserve to be loved by anyone for the heartbreaks I've caused. I don't particuarly enjoy having the spare time to reflect on my past...

(dance to a new song) [29 Oct 2006|08:57pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | Casting Crowns - Set Me Free ] The last couple years plenty of people have told me I look much younger than I really am. More often than not, I get a little touchy on that subject because I really don't want to be told that I look like I'm still in highschool. I'm twenty-two, for christsake. I bought some cigarettes at a gas station, and almost all the time - unless the clerks recognize me - I'm asked for ID. Apparently I only look like I'm just eighteen or a little younger. I find that a bit annoying, considering how much I smoke. My landlord today stopped by to check on some carbon monoxide detectors and whatnot(he says he always checks/changes the batteries on daylight savings time) and we got around to talking. He asked me if I was in highschool. Come on, I graduated four freaking years ago! But maybe I should take all this "you look younger than you really are" talk as a blessing. It just means I have alot of years to live through; assuming I actually do something worthwhile with it. Honestly, it's a bit of a nice feeling with the whole thing ... even though it does grow tiring.

(2 wish to | dance to a new song) now I will close my heart and sleep awhile [14 Oct 2006|11:44pm] [ mood | cold ] [ music | Yuki Kajiura - Hepatica #3 ~ I Believe in You ] I don't know what it is that keeps me going. I feel I've literally been dead for years, but my body just hasn't caught on to that fact. I've invested too much time into relationships with others that over time have become utter wastes. And yes, alot of the blame and fault lies with me. In fact, nearly all it does. But after the fact, after I try to make things right(although admittedly not back to exactly what they were), you think that would be worth any shred of decency whatsoever? Apparently not. [details avoided kthx] A bit later, another (potential) relationship blunder strolled along. That one, I'm fine with. Well, for the most part anyways. [details are avoidedx2 kthx]. Then there's the one-nighters. Most of us know how those go, eh? So that leads up to, what, the last two years of my life now? And all it's been is this crap. Call it angst. Call it emo. Call it depression(clinical maybe?). Label me with all these little terms you want. I'm tremendously putdown to have all these people think of themselves as friends with me and yet they never affiliate themselves with me. Maybe it's because I don't look like the brightest ray of sunshine(I've always had a loathing for my appearance; most do; but mine borderlines ridiculous). I just want some answers and no one's giving them. Right now, I want to feel something other than bitterness, sadness, regret, and rage[note: I simply cannot believe people that say they have no regrets in their life whatsoever. Such people simply cannot be human]. If after all this time spent here I've been unable to find that, maybe it's best to just up and leave. I might be overacting. Might. But after nearly five years altogether, I can't do it anymore. I honestly can't. I don't want to wake up to another dawn anymore. Forgive me for anyone having to read this. Though the lot of you will just skimp it over because it's a post from that depressed emo guy.

(1 wish to | dance to a new song) [10 Oct 2006|08:02pm] I heard some new Budweiser Real Men of Genius ads. Mr. Major Highway Line Painter? Pure brilliance.

(2 wish to | dance to a new song) [09 Oct 2006|01:35am] Happy birthday to me. ... seriously, turning 22 is boring as hell.

(2 wish to | dance to a new song) Well... [02 Jul 2006|09:52pm] ... I'm back.

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ]